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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24593827">10 Reasons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepper_Sanders/pseuds/Pepper_Sanders'>Pepper_Sanders</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>13 Reasons Why (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:54:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,364</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24593827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepper_Sanders/pseuds/Pepper_Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Winston is new to Liberty and has just been forced to join an after-school group. The bad news is that he has no interest in P.I.N. ("Power In Numbers"), the good news, he's just met someone he really likes. But dark, unknown secrets must be brought to light before he has a chance at true love.</p><p>Short multi-chapter story based on 13 Reasons Why; Some Plots/Storylines are different from tv series/not canon</p><p>*********WARNINGS***********<br/>Story will contain discussions of or references to drug use, rape, homophobia, internalized homophobia, attempted suicide, and other sensitive topics explored in the TV series.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Standall/Winston Williams, walex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Power in Numbers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Winston stares sullenly ahead as Ashley, the dark-haired girl standing nervously at the front of the room, explains the purpose of the group. She fidgets with the silver bracelet on her wrist. Her head is down, and her presentation is delivered in a meandering monologue punctuated by odd pauses and awkward hand movements. But at least she’s passionate about P.I.N. or “Power In Numbers”, the group she’s trying to start at Liberty High. It’s an anti-bullying, peer support organization. The name sounds a little aggressive to Winston, like a youth vigilante group that meets after school to plan beat-downs of unsuspecting bullies. <em>The Breakfast Club</em> meets <em>Kick-ass</em>, he thinks, as he smiles to himself. He winces and gingerly presses his fingertips against his still swollen lip. He hopes he hasn’t re-split the cut at the corner of his mouth that is just beginning to heal.  </p><p>“Anyway," she continues, “P.I.N. was something we had at my old school, and when I approached Principal Bolan and Ms. Singh about starting a group here, they agreed to give it a trial run.” She finally looks up at the ten or so kids sitting in neatly arranged chairs around the small room. She clears her throat before continuing. “As I was saying, it’s only once a week for ten weeks, so it’s really important you try to make every meeting. I’ll invite a couple of speakers to talk to us, and we can also plan hangouts together outside of school, but we’re going to keep this first meeting informal. You can just mingle and enjoy the donuts and drinks Paul’s family donated from their bakery.” She smiles at a small, sandy-haired kid standing in the back corner of the room who nods back. Paul, the Baker, Winston presumes. “So, umm, any questions?”</p><p>“Will you be the one signing the forms?” Winston asks.</p><p>She looks puzzled. “Forms?”</p><p>“Yeah, I have to join this group or get suspended. Again. If I get suspended, my mom’s sending me to a boarding school upstate, and surprisingly, that would be worse than being here at Liberty.” Winston turns as someone behind him snickers. “What’s so funny?”</p><p>The boy’s bright, blue eyes stare back. They seem to challenge him. He’s slightly built with auburn hair. He’s sitting next to Tyler, a dark-haired boy with soft, hooded eyes. Winston knows Tyler from Yearbook. Well, as well as you can know anyone when you’re the new guy at school arriving half-way through the first semester of your senior year. Tyler’s a nice enough kid, a little awkward and intense, but hey, Winston knows he’s no paragon of self-possession, though he plays the role quite well.</p><p>“Nothing.” The boy shakes his head and pretends to study the pamphlet Ashley handed them at the beginning of the meeting.</p><p>Winston is about to say something else when Ashley clears her throat. He turns back around to face her.</p><p>“Umm, I can sign off as long as...umm, who said you had to come?” she asks.</p><p>“One of the assistant principals. I can’t remember her name.”</p><p>“Oh, must be Mrs. Tyson. I’m sure she will be fine with me signing an attendance form. I’ll just run it by Mr. Bolan and Ms. Singh to be sure it will be sufficient.” She pauses and looks around the room. “Anyone else here who will need one signed?”</p><p>About half of the students raise their hands. Winston notices that Tyler and his friend do not.</p><p>“Well, ok then.” Ashley twists the bracelet again. A quick, bright smile replaces a brief frown as she takes a deep breath. “Well, however you got here, I hope you will find these next few weeks helpful. I hope you get something out of it. Even if it’s just the chance to meet new people...and not get suspended.” She smiles at him. “And thank you --,” she pauses expectantly.</p><p>“Winston,” he offers. He hears a snort behind him but ignores it this time.</p><p>“Thank you, Winston, for the question. It seems like it was one many of you guys had. Ok, any other questions?”</p><p>“What’s the box for?” Tyler asks from behind him.</p><p>“Oh, I’m so glad you asked. I almost forgot to tell you guys about it.” She smiles brightly as she picks up a large box with a slit at the top. It's covered in bright, festive wrapping paper. “So, at the end of each meeting, I would like each of you to put something in the box that memorializes the day. We do something special with it at the end of the ten weeks. And try not to share with anyone else; it’s nice to be surprised. It can be a drawing, a note, a trinket. Anything. Any other questions?”</p><p>A few people murmur but no one else raises their hand. </p><p>“Ok, then. Well, let’s mingle and eat. I’ll be around if you think of any other questions.  We have the room for about twenty more minutes.”</p><p>Ashley heads toward a small group of students sitting near the window. A few kids stand up and head to the back of the room where tables have been set up with donuts and snacks. Winston looks around the room but doesn’t see anyone he recognizes other than Tyler.  He walks over to sit near Tyler and his friend. The auburn-haired boy stands up without a word and shuffles to the back of the room. Winston notices he walks with a slight limp.</p><p>“Hey, Tyler.”</p><p>“Hey, Winston. It’s good seeing you here.”</p><p>Winston nods. “Yeah, you too.”</p><p>Tyler studies him closely. His eyes flitting to his lip and then back up to his left eye.</p><p>“So, those are new, huh?”</p><p>Winston had almost forgotten about the bruises and cuts. They no longer hurt, except when he smiled, and the bruise around his eye was beginning to heal. He had missed a few days of school nursing his injuries the week before, though. </p><p>“Yeah,” he answers quietly.</p><p>Tyler’s friend returns. He is precariously balancing drinks and donuts in his hands. Winston instinctively rushes to help, but the boy pushes him away as he plops down awkwardly in his chair. He hands Tyler a donut and a drink and offers a Coke to Winston. The boy lifts a brow, “Sugary drinks beneath you, Winston?” He says his name with a weird, stuffy accent.</p><p>Winston laughs. “No, I just...I don’t drink the stuff.”</p><p>“So, yeah, I was right.”</p><p>Tyler laughs nervously. He looks between the two of them. “So, Winston, this is my good friend Alex. Alex this is Winston. We’re in Yearbook together.”</p><p>“Ah, o.k.,” Alex mumbles around a bite of chocolate donut. “Pleasure’s all yours.”</p><p>Winston huffs out a laugh. “So, why were you laughing at me earlier?”</p><p>“Who me?” Alex asks innocently.</p><p>“Yeah, you. I think everyone else was half asleep.”</p><p>Alex slowly chews the donut and takes a swig of soda before answering. “Just the whole boarding school, thing, dude. And Winston? Winston? Could you be an even bigger cliche?”</p><p>“It was my grandfather’s name. And he passed away last year, so I’m sort of glad that I have that little piece of him...always.”</p><p>Alex’s face drops. “Oh, man, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m an asshole; don’t listen to anything I say.”</p><p>Winston is quiet for a beat before he smiles.</p><p>Alex stares at him as Tyler snorts. “No dead grandpa named Winston?” Alex asks.</p><p>Winston shakes his head. “Your face. That was good. And yes, dead grandpa, but he died when I was like two.” He smiles as he notices a slight blush on Alex’s cheeks. It’s...charming. “Winston <em> was </em> his middle name.”</p><p>Alex shakes his head, but he’s smiling. His smile falters, and now he’s looking at Winston, studying his face as Tyler had done a few minutes before. “Where’d you get that? Polo? Lacrosse?”</p><p>Winston absently touches his eye. “Umm, no.”</p><p>Alex is staring at him now. “You know...you look familiar.”</p><p>“Well, I go here. I transferred from Hillcrest, but I've been here for almost a month. You’ve probably seen me in the halls.”</p><p>“No, I was at a party last weekend. A Hillcrest party. I was umm, I was with some friends, and Monty...Monty went crazy on some guy there. Beat him to a pulp.” Alex looks at his lip and eye, again. He frowns.</p><p>Winston looks away. “It was just a misunderstanding,” he mumbles. Winston glances up at Tyler who has gone stiff and quiet. </p><p>“A misunderstanding? A misunderstanding?” Alex’s voice has gone raw and pitchy. A few students look over but don’t approach. “Monty is a fucking, a fucking...” Alex is shaking now. His arms and legs twitch wildly.</p><p>“It’s ok, Alex. Let’s go, ok?” Tyler says quietly. “I’ll see you in Yearbook, Winston.” They get up and head quickly to the door.</p><p>“Ok,” Winston says softly to their retreating backs. </p><p>“Thank you for coming and don’t forget to put something in the box!” Ashley yells after them. But the two boys have already left the room. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. In Between</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>****Warning****</p><p>Discussion of attempted suicide in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Alex isn’t at the next P.I.N. meeting. The good thing is that more people had come to this second meeting because Ashley had invited a pretty, popular girl named Jessica who had brought a whole group along with her. Jessica had been invited by Tyler, who was also a part of her organization or band of more vigilantes (Winston wasn’t quite sure), but she spoke about the changes needed around the school that would make it safer for everyone. He was generally in agreeance but hadn’t realized how much he had only wanted to see Alex and struggled to pay attention to her speech. Alex and Tyler had both seemed particularly upset when he mentioned Monty at the last meeting, and he wanted to understand why. He knew it wasn’t pity for him for Monty attacking him at the Hillcrest party, and he wondered if it was something more.</p><p>He tries to ask Tyler about Monty, but Tyler quickly changes the subject and then abruptly leaves to speak with Jessica who has just finished her speech. Winston sighs and signs the attendance form that Ashley was able to get approved. He would have to come to these meetings, like it or not.</p><p>His first week at Liberty, he had parked in a staff member’s spot and had gotten into a heated argument with him. He remembers saying something about wearing the teacher’s annual salary on his wrist, which was admittedly pretty douch-ey, even for him, but the guy had really pissed him off. That exchange had landed him in the assistant principal’s office, and she had warned him that he was already on thin ice after being expelled from Hillcrest.</p><p>She’d handed him a list of school groups to join so that he could become more acclimated to the school culture and hopefully make friends. He wasn’t quite sure why that would seem like fitting punishment for his subordination, but Winston figured she was looking to help fill some spots in some of the less popular social clubs. P.I.N. seemed the least time consuming, so he had hastily signed up.</p><p>He sighs again. Another eight weeks, and he would be free. And if Alex wasn’t going to show up, he wouldn’t have much to look forward to anymore. He looks around the room. Everyone is mingling, and a large group is gathered around Jessica, who is speaking animatedly and passionately to her devotees. Winston leaves without being noticed but not before he places something in the box.<br/><br/>He walks the quiet hallways. Most of the students are gone for the day, but there are a few other classrooms with students inside who are meeting for all their various after-school activities. Liberty is so different from the all-boys private school he had gone to for most of his high school life. Sometimes he misses it, but if he were honest, he never felt like he belonged there either. He didn’t quite fit in the stuffy halls of Hillcrest or here at the more diverse and co-ed Liberty.</p><p>He doesn’t even miss the wild parties thrown by his rich classmates. Everyone at Hillcrest was above showing off their wealth, most of their families had more than enough money (save for a handful of scholarship students), although even in the more affluent circles, there were levels to the excess. Heiresses and actual pop stars intermingled with the offspring of successful working professionals, but there was still an effort to have the best and newest, greatest thing, or to push everything to the limit, whether through drugs or ridiculous dares.</p><p>He figured they were all bored before they had even reached adulthood, and that had actually been why he had chosen to come to Liberty instead of the boarding school his mom had wanted him to attend. It would have been more of the same, except with more rules and less freedom. And he wasn’t <em>slummin</em>’ <em>it</em>, as his friend Peter had joked. What he’d said to the teacher about having his whole annual salary on his wrist wasn’t how he actually felt, although it was probably close to true. He had just been pissed that day about what had happened with Monty at the party and some other family bullshit that had transpired that morning. He’d needed to get a rise out of someone...anyone.</p><p>He wasn’t a snob. His mom cared about tracing their lineage to whatever boat had landed on Plymouth, but the Williams family had actually lost their fortune with his grandfather, and his father had only been able to turn the family import business around in the last decade or so. They had always had the family home and the connections, but his father drilled in him the importance of hard work and never taking anything for granted. He hadn’t, however, wanted him to explore this in any real sense, like for instance, by attending Liberty. But here he was anyway, and already in trouble and pissing off people he genuinely liked.</p><p>Winston’s not quite ready to drive home. His parents are in town, and he doesn’t want to see their concerned faces or hear their seemingly never-ending questions about his plans for the future. They're worried he's throwing his opportunities away. His dad had been furious at first about him going to Liberty, but had quickly pivoted to brainstorm ways to spin it as an attribute on his Princeton essay. It was a forgone conclusion he would be going to Princeton as his mom and dad and grandfather and great-grandfather had before him. Enough Williams' money had been used to erect wings and support various endowments, and his dad often reminded him he had to do a lot to screw it up. Surprisingly, with him being expelled and choosing to go to Liberty, he was testing the limits of the guarantees his pedigree afforded him.</p><p>He could probably find a Hillcrest party to crash, but after a few of the kids, including him, were expelled for their involvement with a school server hack, a lot of their parents had cracked down temporarily on all their freedoms, including the wild parties. For a lot of them, it was time to buckle down and think of their future as they entered their senior year. Soon they would be heading off to Ivy League schools or starting gap years in which they would be working for family friends at big companies, volunteering around the world, or backpacking through Europe. He didn't feel much like partying anyway.</p><p>He doesn’t really know where he’ll go, but he heads to the student parking lot where his car is parked. There aren’t many students outside either, and the lot is mostly empty with just a few cars here and there. He turns when he hears footsteps approach.</p><p>“Hey," Monty says. He is standing a few feet away. He's wearing his varsity jacket and a hint of a smile.</p><p>They had passed each other in the hallways several times, but Monty always ignored him, so Winston did the same. He was a little apprehensive since the last time they had spoken had been a quick hook up at the Hillcrest party, which had been followed by Monty attacking him in front of everyone. He had left him bruised and hurt on the steps as his friend, Bryce, paid him two grand to keep quiet about the attack. He would have kept quiet anyway, but was pissed and bloody and feeling quite petty. He had asked for another five thousand, which Bryce had also delivered on. He was actually thinking about returning the money, but thought maybe he’d make some anonymous donation to P.I.N. or one of the national organizations they supported.</p><p>Winston removes his keys from his pocket and unlocks the door with the remote just in case he has to make a quick getaway.</p><p>“Hi,” he finally replies.</p><p>Winston steps back as Monty steps forward and Monty pauses.</p><p>“I’m not going to hurt you," Monty says.</p><p>“Okay,” Winston says softly. Monty seems sincere, but there's no one around, except for what looks like a group of runners on one of the baseball fields several yards away.</p><p>“I just...I just wanted to apologize for what happened at the party. I had a whole bunch of shit in my system and just...snapped,” Monty looks down, shuffles his feet. “A lot of shit happened that day at home, and I know it’s no excuse, but I just wanted to apologize.”</p><p>Winston takes a beat. “Okay. It's cool. We’re cool,” he offers.</p><p>“And...I know you’re at school here, and I’ve been ignoring you.”</p><p>“Hadn’t noticed,” Winston scoffs.</p><p>“Yeah,” Monty says sheepishly. “Anyway, I’m not...you know...gay. And umm, I just don't need anyone to know about what we did at the party, although it was nice...I mean, before I acted stupidly.”</p><p>“It’s cool. I won’t say anything. I wouldn’t ever.”</p><p>“Okay, well, I’m sorry, and I’ll see you around.”</p><p>Monty pauses as if he wants to say more. Winston nods and wants to say more, but he knows that maybe this isn’t the time. He’ll take the apology and let Monty figure out what he needs to in his own time. Monty finally shares a small smile, and Winston thinks there is regret there, but he’s not sure. Maybe he imagines it.</p><p>He watches as Monty walks away. His head is down, and he doesn’t turn back around as he turns the corner heading back toward the school. Winston releases the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and gets in his car. He drives off campus and heads into town, more or less heading home but driving somewhat aimlessly. He notices a group of kids at a cluster of buildings to his right and sees a coffee shop that he’s noticed before. He pulls into the parking lot, thinking he can catch up on school work or at least watch something on his phone before heading home and facing the parentals. He needs some time to process the conversation with Monty before dealing with the stuff at home.  </p><p>He eases into a parking spot, and notices that there aren’t many patrons inside. He sits in the car for a few minutes debating whether he should just drive home when he notices a familiar silhouette inside the shop. He quickly grabs his satchel, locks his car and sprints to the front door.</p><p>"Hi," Winston says as he reaches the table where Alex is sitting alone. There are three cups in front of him and a couple of textbooks pushed to the side. Two backpacks are on the floor near him, and Winston wonders who he is there with.</p><p>Alex looks up. He seems surprised to see him. "Hi. Winston, right?"</p><p>"Oh, you know you didn't forget. You gave me so much grief about my name last time."</p><p>Alex chuckles. "No, I didn't forget. Have a seat. I'm just waiting on my friend, Zach, who's getting me more coffee."</p><p>"Don't you think you have enough already?” Winston looks at the array of cups on the table.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm finishing my Monet's flavor tour. They added new flavors last week, and I've already tried all the others."</p><p>"All of 'em?" Winston asks.</p><p>"Yeah," Alex answers as he takes a sip out of one of the cups. "Uggh, not a good one."</p><p>"Let me try."</p><p>Alex hands him the cup and Winston takes a swig. He grimaces. "Yeah, you're right. Do you have some kind of tally sheet?"</p><p>"Nah," Alex taps his finger against his temple, "It's all up here." Alex looks over as Winston sits in the seat next to him. "So, what brings you here?"</p><p>"Well, I just left the P.I.N. meeting and wasn't ready to go home, yet."</p><p>"Ah, well, this is the place where Liberty students come to study and just hang out, although it's not very full right now. It's been weird lately. Sort of feels like everyone is starting to go their separate ways already." Alex looks around at the half empty shop. "My friends...we just don't hang out like we use to."</p><p>"Same for me and my friends at Hillcrest. Tyler seems cool, though. He was at the P.I.N. meeting today with his friend Jessica and their group. Why didn't you come?"</p><p>"Honestly, I was only there for Tyler last time. It’s something he wanted to support to help Jess. Ashley reached out to Jess’s group because she felt like their interests aligned." Alex shrugs. "I was just there for moral support."</p><p>"Oh, I thought you didn’t show up because of something I said last time. You seemed upset when I mentioned Monty."</p><p>"No, it wasn’t that...You just don’t understand the shit and pain the football players have rained down on other students at the school." He looks up and over at the counter. Winston notices he is looking at a tall, Asian kid with thick, dark hair. "Well, most of the football players anyway. The shit that has happened..." Alex is shaking again.</p><p>"I know about some of it. About Bryce...and others. Bryce came to Hillcrest for a little while." Winston touches Alex's hand to try to calm him. Alex looks down and gently pulls his hand away. "Does it have anything to do with what happened to you? Did they do something to you? Did...Monty?"</p><p>"No, not me, but others."</p><p>"Tyler?" Winston asks.</p><p>Alex shakes his head. "That’s not for me to talk about, although Jess and I are trying to convince Tyler that something needs to be done about shit they did to him, but the truth is, we're <em>just</em> finding out about the worst of it." Alex looks at Winston. "You should have stayed in the gilded halls of Hillcrest."</p><p>"I didn’t have a choice, but there’s a lot of shit that goes on there, too. You'd be surprised." He looks over at him. Winston remembers that Alex was at the party with Bryce. "Or maybe not. Your boy Bryce got a taste of it."</p><p>"Not my boy," Alex says angrily. "And he deserved it and so much more."</p><p>Winston nods but wonders why Alex would hang out with someone he seems to dislike so much. "So, what happened to you? You don’t have to tell me if you don't want to."</p><p>"You know, I don’t mind talking about it. I just don’t shout it from the rooftops. A lot of shit happened last year and the year before that. Bad shit. And some of us didn't survive it...literally." Alex takes a deep breath. "I almost didn't. I felt like I was responsible for a lot of the stuff that happened to my friends. I wasn't a very good friend." </p><p>Winston wants to assure him that he probably had been a good friend, that none of it was his fault, but he didn't know the story. Of course, he knew about some of it. About the girl, Hannah, who had taken her life. About some of the horrible things some of the Liberty athletes had been accused of. But he hadn't been there. What he did know was that they were all fucking kids, that they were too young to have to carry all that sadness and anger all the time.  He refrains from reaching out with a comforting hand again, although it takes everything in him not to.</p><p>"All of it just piled up, ya' know?" Alex continues. "It hit us all in different ways, and we all had different ways of dealing with it." He looks over again at the tall guy at the counter. Zach, Winston guesses. "Anyway, I tried to deal with it the best I could, all the destructive thoughts, all the guilt, but just when I thought things were getting better, some other horrible thing would happen. It just never stopped...and so I tried to kill myself." Alex goes quiet.</p><p>"Sorry, sorry," Winston says softly. "We don’t have to talk about this now...or ever."</p><p>"No, no, it’s fine. You know, most people tiptoe around it. I guess most of the kids here know some of what happened, but you’re new. Everyone treats me like glass, like I'll break if I talk about it, but honestly, talking about it helps."</p><p>"Do you regret it?" Winston asks.</p><p>"Yes, yes, I do. So, so much. I think I regretted it the second before the gun went off. It was just unreal, like I wasn’t even there. And I especially didn’t count on surviving it. No one talks about that. Even after months and months of painful, intensive therapy, there's still so much pain, physical and mental." He shakes his head. "Things that I want to do, but can't." Alex clinches and unclinches his fist.</p><p>"Hey, it’s going to be alright. Maybe we should talk about something else for now...maybe finish the taste test."</p><p>Alex shoots him a wan smile. "Too much?"</p><p>"No, not all," Winston assures him. "But your friend looks like he’s giving me the evil eye right now for upsetting you."</p><p>They both look up as Zach approaches the table, carrying four more cups of coffee. "Whew, sorry it took so long. I think they're still trying to figure out how to make one of the new flavors." He places the cups on the table and studies them both. "Everything okay, here?"</p><p>"Yes, yes," Alex answers. "This is Winston. He’s new at Liberty and hails from Hillcrest."</p><p>Zach rolls his eyes. "Our biggest rival. You're consorting with the enemy," he says half-jokingly.</p><p>"Well, he doesn't care that much about your football wars, I'm guessing." Alex looks over at him.</p><p>Winston shakes his head and smiles. "Only as much as it involved me getting great action shots for the Yearbook."</p><p>"Ah, cool, an artist," Zach teases. "Well, my name's Zach and welcome to Liberty. I’m sure you’ll like us way better." Zach sits down in the chair opposite Alex. "So, you guys were looking pretty intense over here."</p><p>"I was just telling him about all my recent struggles with my recovery."</p><p>"Don't get down on yourself, Alex. You've been working really hard. And our training has been helping. It's slow going, but I see all the progress you’re making first hand."</p><p>Alex looks over at Winston. "Zach has been helping me train in addition to my other physical therapy."</p><p>Winston studies Zach for a second. It seems he's more than meets the eye, more than just a great body, good looks and charm.</p><p>"Yeah, we've been working hard. It's good for me, too. Mental release from all the shit going on with the team. And he's getting better, too."</p><p>"Yeah, some things are getting better," Alex admits, "but not everything." Alex suddenly  looks sad. He stares down into the cup he’s drinking from, as if the answers are hidden somewhere in its depths.</p><p>"You just have to be patient," Zach says.</p><p>"That’s easy for you to say," Alex hisses. "You’re bangin’ whoever you want, whenever you want, like the world's going to end tomorrow. You're able to run and do what you want, when you want, and I'm stuck in this!" Alex shouts this last bit as he flaps his hands at his body in disgust.  It looks like he's on the verge of crying, but is fighting to hold it in. "I sometimes need help going to the fucking bathroom."</p><p>"It's going to work out. We'll just keep working at it, and I've been studying and reading up on exercises that can help. Some new things we can try," Zach says earnestly.</p><p>Alex sighs. He's quiet again. The anger and intensity of just a few minutes before quickly dissapating. It's heady how quickly he goes from hot to cold, but Winston wants to understand it, has a strong desire to help him. In that moment, he is thinking that his personality is well-suited to someone like Alex. He could shoulder that weight; it wouldn't be too heavy.</p><p>"I know you mean well, Zach, and I appreciate everything you're doing for me." He finally looks up at Zach again. "I'm tired now, though, and I think I just want to go home. Can you give me ride?"</p><p>"Of course, of course," Zach says, as he quickly starts clearing the table and putting their books back in their backpacks.</p><p>They both stand and Alex turns to him before leaving the table. "Bye, Winston. It was nice seeing you, again."</p><p>Winston says bye and watches as they leave the coffee shop. Alex is leaning slightly on Zach as he limps out the door.</p><p>Winston finishes off one of the better tasting coffees that Alex had left on the table before making his way to his car. When he gets home, his parents are luckily in their bedroom, and he makes it to his room without running into them. He showers and then climbs into bed, a little exhausted from the day. He checks his phone and notices that Alex has started following him on Instagram. He quickly follows him back, and then sees a message notification a few seconds after. It's from Alex. Winston can't stop the smile that spreads across his face. He feels a zing in his stomach as he sinks back into his pillow.</p><p>
  <strong>Alex: Hey, sorry I had to leave like that, but I really enjoyed talking to you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Winston: I enjoyed talking to you, too. What are you doing now?</strong>
</p><p>They text back and forth through the night until Winston feels sleepy. He falls asleep with the same silly grin on his face.<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following week, Winston finds Alex between classes, at lunch, and after school. They meet at Monet’s most afternoons, studying or just hanging out with a couple of other students from Liberty.  At the next P.I.N. meeting, Winston is pleasantly surprised when he walks in to see Alex sitting near the back of the room with Tyler. Alex smiles and waves him over to sit with them.</p><p>“Hey, so you decided to come?” Winston asks.</p><p>“Yeah, thought I’d make your prison sentence a little less dreary.”</p><p>Winston squints his eyes as he takes a seat next to Alex. “I didn’t compare it to prison,” he says. He takes a piece of the donut hole Alex offers.</p><p>“But <em> didn’t </em> you?” Alex teases.</p><p>Tyler shushes them as Ashley begins the meeting. Alex winks at him but turns to face the front of the room.</p><p>“Okay, everyone, so we would usually have more time for P.I.N. meetings, but as this is a trial-run, we’ll have to fast track a lot of our activities.” Ashley looks around the room with barely contained excitement. “Beginning this week, we’ll start working on what we call the P.I.N. project. We will break into groups of two to complete parts of the larger project, and today we’ll brainstorm and choose what that project will be.</p><p>“Some of you will work on community or student outreach, some on marketing our idea, and others on fundraising. We’ve already got the school leadership on board, so we just need to get organized and get the word out. We’ll vote today on our main focus: cyberbullying, making our campus safer, or any other ideas you have.”</p><p>She puts her hands together as a large smile spreads across her face. “But before we break out into groups, I want to also invite you to our first P.I.N. Fun Night to take the place of next week’s meeting. We’re all going to PlayPlex!” She claps her hands together excitedly.</p><p>Only a few students clap, but Ashley maintains her smile. She’s used to the lackluster responses from them by now. Winston rarely hangs out at places like PlayPlex, but he’s visited the place before, most recently for his little cousin's birthday party. It’s a bowling alley, skating rink, laser tag and arcade all in one. </p><p>“It’ll give us the opportunity to hang out and get to know each other better, so that we’re all comfortable as we try to make the most impact with the little time we have left,” Ashley continues. “This week, I want you to meet with your partner to start on your assignment. So...let’s brainstorm and get our assignments before we leave.”</p><p>“Hey, we can ask Ashley if there can be three to a group?” Alex looks at Winston and Tyler.</p><p>“Umm, actually, I’ve already talked to Ashley, and she and I are going to work together,” Tyler mumbles. He’s blushing, and Alex shoots Winston a quick, questioning glance.</p><p>“Oh. Cool! Way to go, Tyler,” Alex says.</p><p>“It’s no big deal. We’ve just been hanging out, trying to figure out ways for P.I.N. to be more effective. She wants me to start taking pictures at our meetings and events.”</p><p>“You’re perfect for that, Tyler,” Winston says.</p><p>“Well...I’m going to go talk to her now. I’ll see you guys in a sec.”  Tyler walks over to Ashley as everyone breaks into smaller groups.</p><p>“Well, that was unexpected,” Alex says.</p><p>Winston shrugs. “I think it’s perfect. I ship it.”</p><p>“You do?” Alex looks to where Tyler and Ashley are talking, heads bent over something he's showing her on his camera. “Hmm, maybe you’re right...so Tyley? Asher?”</p><p>“We’re going to have to work on that ship name.”</p><p>Alex laughs. “Well, I guess it’s just the two of us, then.”</p><p>“Wow, you’re rather presumptuous. I may have wanted to work with Paul. I mean...free donuts.”</p><p>“True.  I can’t compete with that. I got nothing.” </p><p>“I wouldn't be so sure about that.” Winston means for it to come out light and easy, but the mood shifts to something weightier before he quickly changes the subject. “So, you plan to go to PlayPlex next week?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Alex frowns. “I don’t really feel up to it. I just planned to recover this week.”</p><p>“It could be fun.”</p><p>“Do you want to go?” I wouldn’t think that sort of place was your speed.”</p><p>“Why? Because of my snobbish ways?” He lightly punches Alex on the shoulder. “We’ve got a week; let’s think about it. In the meantime, you’re welcome to come hang at my house this week after school so we can work on the project together. Wonder what we’ll end up with...”</p><p>“Probably the thing no one else wants because we’re not really participating.” Alex looks around the room. It sounds like everyone has decided on a couple of ideas and are getting ready to take a vote. </p><p>“Well, I’m pretty good with a camera. Maybe we can do the social media part. I’ll go talk to Ashley before we end up with trash duty.”</p><p>He’s able to wrangle the social media and marketing assignment and wonders if he’s agreed to more than he intended when he joined the group. At least it would give him a reason to spend more time with Alex, to get to know him better. Winston makes his way back over to Alex as the students all find their seats. They discuss various project ideas and eventually vote to complete a project to make their school campus safer. </p><p>“I’ll text you and we’ll work out the details,” Winston says as they exit the classroom.</p><p>“Cool.”</p><p>“Cool.”</p><p>********************</p><p>Alex’s dad drops him off at Winston’s house that Saturday to work on the P.I.N. project.</p><p>“Your dad didn’t ask to come in?” Winston asks.</p><p>“Nah, he had to make it back to the station, said he had to file some paperwork on an important case, but he did whistle when we pulled up to your baby McMansion.”</p><p>“It’s not <em> that </em>big.”</p><p>“O...K.” Alex rolls his eyes before looking around the large foyer.</p><p>Winston gives him a tour of the house and grounds before they settle in the kitchen. “My parents went to some fancy gala, so you probably won’t get to meet them today.”</p><p>“I’m already meeting the parents, huh?” Alex wiggles his brows.</p><p>Winston chokes out a laugh. “Well, you’re lucky you’re not meeting them now. They’ll bombard you with questions about your plans after high school, and then they'll follow that up with hounding me about <em> my </em>plans.” </p><p>Alex sits at the marble counter-top that takes up the middle of the large chef’s kitchen. “So, what do you want to do?” Alex asks.</p><p>Winston grabs snacks and drinks out of the refrigerator and cabinets before sitting across from Alex. “I don’t know. I know they expect me to go to Princeton next Fall, but I’m thinking about taking a gap year. Maybe do something meaningful for a change.”</p><p>“Like what?” Alex asks.</p><p>“I’m not sure. I just want to find some place or organization where I can make a small difference and maybe see a little bit of the world.”</p><p>“Hmm, I know you’ve probably traveled quite a bit.”</p><p>“I have, but mostly with my parents. It’s just not the same when you stay at hotels and every moment is scheduled to a “T”. I want to really get to know a place, its people, its customs. Travel a little off the beaten path, ya know?”</p><p>“Well, it sounds nice either way.” </p><p>Winston is thinking that it would be even nicer if he could convince Alex to come with him, but he only nods.</p><p>They finish eating and make their way to Winston’s room where they spend an hour flipping through his vinyl collection and listening to music on the vintage record player he'd lucked up upon at an estate sale.  The sun is starting to set by the time they start working on the project. </p><p>“Maybe we can have pictures of students standing guard outside of bathrooms or back hallways, sort of like a partner thing,” Alex suggests, as they pour through shots Winston took on his phone after the meeting.</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds cool. I can take a couple more shots at the school next week. What do you think about this poster design?” Winston shows him the campaign poster he had worked on the night before. </p><p>“That’s really good. You’re very talented. You did that in one night?”</p><p>“It’s no big deal if you have the right equipment and software.”</p><p>“Hmm, looks professional to me. I think it still takes a talented eye to get it right.”</p><p>“Well...thank you.” Winston feels like he’s blushing, but the room is dimly lit so he hopes Alex can’t really see him.  He looks down at his hand, which is only a few inches from Alex’s, almost touching. He doesn’t know why he does it, or he does know why, but doesn’t know why he isn’t able to stop himself from reaching over to place his hand on top of Alex’s.</p><p>He doesn’t know what his face reveals or what Alex can actually see, but it must be something a little more vulnerable than intended because Alex slowly moves his hand away and tucks it at his side. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m not-,” Alex starts.</p><p>“Oh, no, sorry. Damn, this is embarrassing.” Winston rubs his hands through his hair and stands up, not sure exactly where he plans on going in his own room.</p><p>“No, it’s okay. Sit back down.”</p><p>Winston sits. “I promise I won't make it awkward. It never happened. I wasn’t sure.”</p><p>“It’s not a big deal. Promise.” Alex looks at him and smiles.</p><p>They continue working for another hour before Alex’s dad calls to let him know he's a few minutes away. Alex seems comfortable, but there are a few moments when his face belies his words, and that night Alex doesn’t text him first, although he’s texted him every night since the first night. Winston tries to convince himself that it’s because they’ve just spent a whole afternoon together.</p><p>Later that night, he finally capitulates and texts Alex to make sure he made it home safely. Alex’s response is quick and short. He lets him know he’s at home and tells him he will see him the following week at school. Winston goes to bed that night worried that he’s messed up their blossoming friendship, especially given that he can really use a friend right now. </p><p>The following week, he doesn’t run into Alex in the hallways or cafeteria. He wants to text Alex, but refrains, not wanting to come across needy or invasive. He’s able to finish up the couple of things they still had to do for the project on his own and is beginning to feel restless and on edge. He scrolls through his feed and sees that there’s a Hillcrest party the following day at an old classmate’s house and debates going home and skipping the P.I.N. meeting at PlayPlex that night; If Alex isn't talking to him, he really doesn't have any other reason to go. He plans on getting shitfaced at the Hillcrest party the following day. As he walks toward his car to head home, his phone buzzes with a message. It’s from Alex.</p><p><b>Alex</b>: Hey. Sorry I left you hanging with finishing up the project. It was a hard week with doctor’s appointments and physical therapy. It’s just been rough. I’ve had a lot on my mind.</p><p><b>Winston</b>: No worries. I was able to finish it up and send it to Ashley. She seemed really impressed with what we’ve done so far. Is everything ok?</p><p><b>Alex</b>: Yeah, I’m better now. And thank you, again.</p><p>Winston watches as text bubbles stop and then start again several times.</p><p><b>Alex</b>: I was thinking about going to PlayPlex. I need to get out of the house. Want to go?</p><p><b>Winston</b>: Of course. I can swing by and pick you up.</p><p>Alex sends him the address and Winston heads his way. An hour later, and they arrive at PlayPlex. About half of the P.I.N. group is already there. Ashley ushers them over and tells them she was able to score a little money to cover food and a few games and has a table for the group. Everyone hangs out and eats before leaving to play a round of laser tag. </p><p>“Do you two want to join us?” Ashley asks Winston and Alex.</p><p>Alex shakes his head. “My legs will give me trouble with some of the obstacles in there if it’s anything like I remember when I was here a few years back.”</p><p>“Ah, I’m so sorry, Alex. I wasn’t thinking. I do have a ticket for a couple rounds of bowling if you can do that?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, that’s perfect. And it’s no big deal. Some things still give me trouble, but I’m getting better.”</p><p>Ashley gives him a hug and hands him the ticket. They both thank her and get bowling shoes from the counter before heading to the small bowling section at the back of the room. There is no one else there when they arrive, and they have the section to themselves.</p><p>“Kind of like your house, huh?” Alex teases.</p><p>Winston looks around. His parents did have a small bowling alley installed in the basement game room along with several arcade games.  His dad was a big PacMan and Galaga fan and had spent a small fortune buying every 80’s pinball and arcade machine he loved as a kid. </p><p>“Our game room is a little bigger actually.” </p><p>Alex huffs out a laugh as he selects a bowling lane.  They play a few rounds, which Alex wins by a substantial amount.</p><p>“Not your sport, huh? You’re probably more comfortable with...what do you guys play over at Hillcrest? Lacrosse?”</p><p>Winston smiles. “Yeah, lacrosse and rugby, but honestly, I sucked at those, too.”</p><p>Alex smiles as he rolls another strike. Winston hasn’t felt this free and light in a while. He watches as Alex walks his way and sits down next to him. He’s close. Alex places a hand on  his knee, and Winston stills. It feels like his heart is in his throat, but he doesn’t move. He tries to remain calm, casual, but Alex isn’t moving his hand away. Winston hasn’t been able to look him in the eye since he sat next to him, but he does now, and Alex is studying him closely.  Before he can fully register what is happening, Alex kisses him. Winston is stunned for a second but quickly recovers and leans in, pressing back, tasting Alex’s mouth with his tongue. He hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted this to happen, probably since Alex’s smartass remarks in the first P.I.N. meeting.</p><p>They finally separate, but Alex is still looking at him. He can’t really read the look in his eyes, but there’s a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Was that cool?” Alex asks.</p><p>“Totally cool,” Winston says. </p><p>“Good. It’s just, I know I acted weird last time, and I’ve been distant this week. Some of it was because of what was going on with my health, but I also just had a lot on my mind after last Saturday...about why I was feeling a certain way about you.”</p><p>“Okay. Is that a good thing?”</p><p>“I think so,” Alex smiles and kisses him again, but this one is quick and light. Even still, Winston reels a little from the contact. He wants more but sits back, letting Alex control what they do. Alex doesn’t say anything else, just walks over to the console to set up another game.</p><p>Winston looks around. It’s still pretty empty where they are, but he notices a group of students near the arcade area to their left. It’s a small group of Liberty football players, and Monty is looking his way. He doesn’t know if Monty is able to see much from the angle he’s at, and it doesn’t really matter; Monty made it clear where they stood, but he looks at him strangely before finally turning back around to laugh loudly at something one of the other players has just said.</p><p>After a few more games, Winston and Alex say their goodbyes to the few remaining P.I.N. members and begin walking across the parking lot to Winston’s car. Most of the patrons have gone home for the night, but there are a few scattered groups of students waiting on rides or congregating in groups figuring out which party they will go to next.</p><p>Alex is walking slightly in front of him when headlights suddenly blaze in their path. He hears the screech of tires as the car comes to an abrupt stop just inches away from Alex. Alex bangs on the car’s hood with his fists.</p><p>“Watch where the fuck you’re going, asshole!” he screams as he takes another whack at the car.</p><p>Winston is finally able to make out faces as the car lights dim. Monty jumps out of the driver’s seat.</p><p>“It was an accident, jackass, why are you hitting my car?”</p><p>“Oh, it’s you, of course. The dumbest jock at Liberty. You could have killed me!”</p><p>“Well, I’d just be finishing what you couldn’t.” </p><p>Alex shuffles around the front of the car and leaps toward Monty, but Monty steps aside and pushes him against the car. Winston steps forward to help Alex, but Zach sprints around from the other side of the car where he had been sitting in the backseat. Just as Monty is about to punch Alex, Zach grabs him and pulls him back. </p><p>“Zach, get your friend before I seriously hurt him!” Monty yells, pointing his finger at Zach.</p><p>“Get back in the car, Monty!” Zach yells back. Monty looks like he is about to say something else, but only spits on the ground and sits back in the driver’s seat. A few other players who were in the car and standing around watching everything unfold also get back into the idling car.</p><p>Zach helps Alex up from where he is leaning against the car, but Alex pushes him off. “I got it!”</p><p>Winston stays close to Alex as they step away from the vehicle and back near the sidewalk. “What was that about?” Zach asks.</p><p>“Hell if I know. He’s a jackass. Jackasses usually are just that, no reason needed. You’re their so-called leader now.You need to keep them in check, Zach.” Alex is shaking. He keeps looking around Zach toward Monty’s car. One of the players says something that causes the entire group to break into raucous laughter.</p><p>Zach shakes his head. “Look, I’ll talk to Monty. That shit he said was uncalled for and way out of line. Are you going to be okay getting home?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I rode here with Winston.”</p><p>“Okay,” Zach says as he looks at Winston. “Get him home safely. And you text me when you make it home, Alex.”</p><p>“Yeah, <em> Dad</em>,” Alex scoffs. He shrugs Zach’s hands off his shoulder and walks out into the parking lot. Winston follows close behind.  He tries to talk to Alex on the drive to his house, but he’s sullen and quiet. He gives up after a few minutes. It’s not too long before he is pulling up in Alex’s driveway.  </p><p>“Do you want me to come in for a few minutes?” Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Alex says. He sounds tired and angry. “I just want to get inside and go to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>Alex shuts the door behind him and goes into his house without looking back. Winston watches the closed door for several minutes before finally driving off. </p><p>********************</p><p>He doesn’t hear from Alex the following day and figures he needs to rest after the intense night before. Winston is feeling restless, again. He checks his feed and sees that some of the Hillcrest students have started arriving at the party. He checks his messages again, but there’s nothing from Alex. He decides that the only way to get him off his mind is to drown his thoughts in other people’s expensive liquor.</p><p>When he arrives, the party is in full swing. There are a group of students hanging in and around the pool area in the backyard and several in the massive living room playing a drinking game. There’s also a group in the den playing video games on an over-sized screen. Winston looks for his spot. He is always able to find a quiet spot to get away from the noise and to drink away his troubles. He knows it’s weird; he could stay home and do the same thing, but it’s something about being at a party without actually being in it that makes him feel less lonely.</p><p>He grabs a bottle of Vodka and finally finds a room on the second floor that appears to be the owner’s former office. There’s a desk and chairs, but the furniture looks unused. There are several boxes piled in a corner near the bookshelf and a thin layer of dust on all the surfaces. He stands in the window, sipping from the bottle. It stings his throat and makes his eyes water, but he soon gets used to the burn. The window offers a partial view of the pool area below and he watches his classmates talk, dance, and swim below. He turns when he hears the door open behind him.</p><p>“Hey, I thought I saw you come in here.” Monty steps inside.</p><p>“Hey,” Winston says.</p><p>“I just wanted to apologize for the other night. It was an accident, but I might have been a little upset at Alex.”</p><p>“Why?” Their eyes meet, and Winston nods. So he <em>had</em> seen them kiss. “Seems like you’re always apologizing. Maybe it’s time you start doing things a little differently.”</p><p>Monty steps closer. “You’re right. I’m trying to work on some things.”</p><p>“Okay.” Winston doesn’t say more. He can see Monty’s already had too much to drink as he steps closer. “I think I’m going to head back down to the party, maybe check out the game room.”</p><p>Winston walks to the door, which is slightly ajar, but Monty steps closer and blocks his path.</p><p>“I can’t stop thinking about you.” He trails his finger along Winston’s jaw and leans down to kiss him, but Winston turns his face away. The alcohol is coming off Monty’s skin in waves, and he doesn’t want another incident like last time.</p><p>Winston is getting ready to tell Monty that he should go when he hears movement at the top of the stairs. He turns towards the sound and sees Alex standing there. They lock eyes, and Alex quickly pivots to return to the ground floor. Winston pushes away from Monty, and follows Alex down the stairs.</p><p>He is nearing the bottom of the stairs when Bryce grabs Alex and pulls him into a side hallway. Winston turns the corner and sees Bryce place a wadded napkin in Alex’s pocket. He leans in close and says something to him before walking away and back into the party. </p><p>“Hey!” Winston yells after Alex. Alex turns around but then turns back and heads to the front of the house. “Hey, can you stop?”</p><p>“What?” Alex finally turns around to face him. He seems upset and agitated. </p><p>“That wasn’t what you think. He was just apologizing for what happened yesterday.”</p><p>“What does it matter what I think?” Alex spits back. “And why was he apologizing to you? <em>I</em> almost got hit, and you acted like you barely knew him that time he nearly smashed your face in.”</p><p>“It’s complicated,” Winston whispers.</p><p>“What’s complicated about some guy who almost hits your friend with his car, beats you to a bloody pulp, and does the shit he did to Ty-?” Alex suddenly stops talking, appears to realize he has said too much.</p><p>“What are you talking about? Were you going to say he did something to Tyler?”</p><p>Alex shakes his head. “Why don’t you ask your best friend, Monty, Winston?”</p><p>“He’s not my friend.”</p><p>“Could have fooled me. You two looked very chummy a few minutes ago.”</p><p>“It’s not like that.”</p><p>“So what's it like?” Alex asks.</p><p>“Like I said, it’s complicated.”</p><p>“Okay," Alex says.</p><p>Winston doesn’t know why he’s getting angry. He knows he’s not angry at Alex. He understands himself enough to know that he’s scared, and he’s had too much to drink already, and that is what puts him on the defense. “And what are you doing here with Bryce? Don’t you hate him? What did he give you?” </p><p>Alex pauses and smirks. “It’s complicated.”</p><p>Winston frowns. “That's fair.”</p><p>Alex starts to turn around again to head towards the front doors. “Anyway, I have to go.”</p><p>“Wait, I want to talk about this. I want to talk about us.” </p><p>“I don’t, and I’m ready to go home. Zach's on his way to pick me up,” Alex says. The anger has left his voice, and he just sounds tired.</p><p>“Does he know you were here to see Bryce?” Winston asks.</p><p>Alex turns back to face him. “No, and don’t tell him anything. You understand?”</p><p>Winston shakes his head. “I wouldn’t. I would never do anything like that. I’m sorry. What do you need me to do? Talk to me. Please.” Winston hates that he sounds so needy and desperate, but he can’t help it. He feels as if he's losing something before he ever really had a chance to have it.</p><p>“Nothing.” Alex sounds dejected. “I just need some space.”</p><p>Alex walks out the door, and Winston roots his feet to the floor, willing himself not to run chasing after him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Shadow and Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>***Warning***</p><p>This chapter contains the live shooter drill and discussion about rape.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex doesn’t show up to the next few P.I.N. meetings, but Winston goes because: one, he has to go or face possible expulsion, and two, Winston actually wants to finish the project they’ve started, so he shows up each week and starts talking to other students in the group. Their project is coming together, and it seems like some of their initiatives are making a difference for many of the students at Liberty.  </p><p>After a couple of weeks, Tyler notices some of the campaign social media flyers Winston has designed for the project, and asks him to assist more with Yearbook photography. He starts going to the football games and helping with other team events; he makes new friends at Liberty. It feels good to do something he knows he’s good at, to actually step outside of his comfort zone and meet new people, and it keeps his mind off Alex and their argument.</p><p>Winston is still worried about him.  He occasionally checks his social media pages for updates, but Alex hasn’t posted anything. He had asked for space, so Winston would give that to him.</p><p>And yet, there are times like now when he’s tempted to reach out to Alex. He’s in the Yearbook office sifting through photos, and there’s a few test shots he and Alex took for their P.I.N. project. There’s one shot where Alex is looking away from the camera. It’s a captured candid moment; one where Winston had just been surreptitiously snapping shots of Alex being himself. In this photo, Alex appears lost in thought; his eyes are not quite sad but emote a sort of ennui or melancholy that makes Winston pause and wonder what he’d been thinking about at that moment. </p><p>The light had hit him just right. His features, a mix of soft and strong, shadow and light; the contrast offering an intimacy that is often difficult to capture in a still shot. He wants to call him now. He wants to show him these pictures of him. They’re really good. And here’s a thought: that these are some of Winston’s best shots ever, that an artist is only as good as his inspiration, his muse. </p><p>Tyler bumps the edge of one of the shelves at the back of the room, and Winston is pulled from his daydreaming. He’s almost forgotten Tyler is in the room, picking out the best shots from the last football game. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Winston asks.</p><p>”Yeah. Are you? You haven’t looked well these last few weeks.” Tyler doesn’t look at him. He’s looking at two photos from the last game, comparing them side by side.</p><p>“Oh, wow, and here I thought I was pulling it off.” Winston pauses. “We aren’t talking.”</p><p>Tyler shrugs. He doesn’t ask him who he’s talking about. “We aren’t talking that much either. I think he’s going through something.” Tyler finally looks up from what he’s doing. “I’m a little worried about him. A lot has happened these last few years. It’s done a number on a lot of us around here.”</p><p>Winston hesitates before continuing. Alex had started to mention something about Monty and Tyler. He and Tyler have gotten closer over the last few weeks working on Yearbook assignments together, and he doesn’t want to cross any lines, but he needs to know. </p><p>“Um,” he starts. “Tyler, I wanted to ask you something. And if you don’t want to tell me it’s fine.” </p><p>Tyler’s eyes meet his, but he doesn’t speak, so he continues. “Did Monty do something to you?” he asks. “It’s just, he beat me up once, but I think I understand why.”</p><p>He’s got Tyler’s attention now. Tyler looks at him and moves closer. He doesn’t seem angry, but there’s an intensity in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “You understand why he beat you? How can something like that be understood?”</p><p>Winston sighs. “I’ve heard some things about him and his home life that made me look at his actions in a different light, not in any way to absolve him of anything he’s done, but maybe to try to understand it.”</p><p>“I don’t know. There were things that happened to me, that were done to me that made me act in ways that I didn’t know I was capable of, and I don’t know if I’ve even forgiven myself. I’m working on it, and I know I’m stronger now...even if my friends don’t think I am.” </p><p>Tyler sits at a stool across from him and Winston does the same. He doesn’t interrupt. “A few months ago, I finally told my friends what Monty did to me, after a long time of not telling anyone. It was hard, but not as hard as crawling out of the hole I’d sunk into. It took everything I had to get better, but I did it, became physically and mentally stronger, but I almost broke.” Tyler takes a deep breath, but continues. “Anyway, what he and those guys did to me...it was depraved, heartless. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. They raped me with a....”. His voice breaks a little. “And then they...Monty...hurt me so badly, I didn’t think I was going to make it.” </p><p>Winston feels his eyes sting with unshed tears as Tyler relives that moment. Winston’s mind is reeling as he tries to reconcile those actions with the Monty that he believes wants to be better, but he did experience that rage and anger for himself and knows that Monty needs serious help.</p><p>“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”</p><p>Tyler smiles. “You know, I got stronger. And now I can stand up and help other people. I hope.”</p><p>“You are and you will. I know it. Can I hug you?”</p><p>Tyler pauses, but then nods and stands as Winston walks to him and wraps his arms around him. Tyler hugs him back, and they stand like that for several seconds before Tyler pulls away.</p><p>“You’re not too bad for a Hillcrest kid,” Tyler says.</p><p>Winston chuckles, “I was at Hillcrest for over three years, but honestly, lately I’ve been feeling more like a Liberty student.”</p><p>“Hmm. Well, I’m glad you came here. And I know Alex is happy you’re here, too, even if it’s hard for him to show it sometimes. He shuts people out, but it’s only to protect himself from more hurt, you know.”</p><p>Winston nods. “I don’t want to cause him any more pain. I just wanted to know him better.”</p><p>“Just give it some time,” Tyler offers. “A bunch of us are meeting at Monet’s today after school. Wanna join? He may be there.”</p><p>“I don’t know. I know that’s his spot, and I’ve been trying to give him some space. I think I’ll pass.”</p><p>“Okay, but if you change your mind, we should be there until about 8:30. I invited some of the P.I.N. and Yearbook students, too. We’re going to talk about joining forces to finish up the P.I.N. project. We’ve already got the school on board for some of the initiatives. I think we could use your input.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll think about it.”</p><p>He wants to help, and he doesn’t want to go home after school. As much as he hates going home to badgering parents, he’s found he hates going home to an empty house even more. His parents have been out of the house for various fundraisers and work events all month. So, a few hours later, he finds himself pulling into Monet’s parking lot.</p><p>Tyler is sitting at a table with a few other students that he recognizes. He walks over and joins them, settles into the groove of the conversation and camaraderie. They talk about the project and come up with a few ideas that will involve his camera and design skills. A few minutes later, the bell above the door jingles, and he looks up. Alex walks in, and they immediately lock eyes. Alex quickly looks away and shuffles to a nearby table, sitting with his back to him. Winston stares for several seconds.</p><p>“You’ve been looking over there for five minutes, you should go talk to him,” Tyler says as he nudges his shoulder. </p><p>Winston shakes his head and tries to focus on what everyone at the table is saying but is barely able to follow the flow of conversation; his attention keeps being pulled toward Alex who hasn’t turned around.</p><p>The sun sets, and the streetlights spark on outside the shop. The students start dispersing. They say their goodbyes before heading off into the darkening night. Tyler looks at Alex and then back at Winston before saying goodbye and heading out the door.   Winston considers just leaving, but he doesn’t want to be rude. He still hopes they can be friends.</p><p>“Hi,” he says. </p><p>Alex looks up. “Hi.”</p><p>Alex doesn’t say anything else and doesn’t invite him to sit, so he doesn’t. </p><p>“I just wanted to make sure you’ve been okay. I haven’t seen you around.”</p><p>“I’m okay,” Alex says softly.</p><p>“Okay. Well, I’ll see you around school.”</p><p>"See you around.” Alex looks back down at the book he’s reading. </p><p>Winston stands for a few beats before heading out the door. He sits in his car for a few minutes. The shop is mostly empty now, and a few of the workers are cleaning off tables and getting the shop ready for closing. Alex sits alone, barely moving, head still down reading his book. Winston finally pulls off. </p><p>He is halfway home when his phone rings. A familiar number pops up on his car’s dashboard. </p><p>“Hey.” It’s Alex.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Meet me tomorrow after school, near the P.I.N. meeting room. Can you give me a ride home tomorrow?”</p><p>“Yeah, I can do that.”</p><p>“Okay, thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>Alex remains on the phone for several seconds but doesn’t say anything more, then finally clicks off. Winston wonders why he wants to meet. He's worried, but at least they’re speaking now, so he drives home, cautiously optimistic.</p><p>**********</p><p>Winston waits by the empty classroom after classes end the following afternoon.  The halls are beginning to clear as students leave for the day.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>He turns to see Alex approaching. </p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>Alex stops and stands, studies him for a few seconds. “I wanted to apologize for what happened at the party.”</p><p>“You don’t need to apologize,” Winston says.</p><p>“No, I do. I didn’t want you to know why I was there, so I turned it into something else.”</p><p>“Why were you there?” Winston asks.</p><p>Alex moves forward again. He looks inside the classroom through the door’s small window.  There’s no one inside, and the lights are off, but sunlight streams in through the windows. He tries the door, and it opens.</p><p>“Hmm, unlocked. Let’s go inside.” Winston follows, and Alex shuts the door behind them. He moves deeper into the room and turns to face him. “I was there to meet Bryce. He’s a horrible person, but he also tried to help me this past summer. I’ve had trouble since the...incident.” Alex pauses and frowns. “I can’t get it up, or at least not for long, and he had pills that helped. Sort of. And he had access to other shit to help me get stronger. But last week something went wrong, and I thought I was having a heart attack. I was so scared of getting in trouble that I didn’t even call for help. But how fucked up would that have been? Like, people would have thought I tried to kill myself, again. I don’t want that.”</p><p>Winston steps closer. “I don’t want that either. Are you going to stop taking them?”</p><p>“Well, I will stop taking steroids, but the other stuff.” Alex shakes his head. “It’s so embarrassing to talk about this with anyone. I don’t know how I opened up to Bryce about it. He’s such a prick, and the last person I would have thought I’d be talking to about it, but he was actually easy to talk to, and he wanted to help. Like, he was good at listening and trying to help me work out some shit. Said he was going through therapy and learning some things.”</p><p>“Yeah, people can be surprising, but he’s still a drug dealer.”</p><p>Alex snorts out a laugh but quickly turns serious again. “You don’t understand, it’s the only way I can even feel...normal.”</p><p>“We can find other ways.”</p><p>“I’ve tried other ways.” Alex turns away from him. “Don’t worry about it.”</p><p>“But I am worried,” Winston says. He grabs his arm and pulls him back to face him.</p><p>“I’m worried about your taste,” Alex retorts. “I don’t know what’s going on between you and Monty, but-”</p><p>“But I like you,” Winston says softly, cutting him off.</p><p>“Case in point,” Alex says with a smirk, but then he also smiles and starts laughing, and then they’re both laughing. “Shit. I don't know. You're right. I gotta figure this stuff out. I think Zach suspects something, at least about the steroids. He’s been on my ass, too. It’s just. You don’t understand. I can’t, you know, do anything.” He starts to whisper although there’s no one around. “I’ve tried movies and websites...and Bryce took me to this place.” He sighs. “Even with the stuff Bryce gave me, it’s hit or miss.”</p><p>Winston steps closer. “Is it okay if I kiss you?”</p><p>Alex rolls his eyes but nods and steps closer. Winston kisses him; it’s quick and short. A beat. And then Alex is kissing him again, lips pressed against his, tongue seeking. The kiss is urgent and then deep, and they finally separate, breathless, but their bodies remain close, face to face, hip to hip.</p><p>“Is it alright if I touch you?” Winston asks.</p><p>Alex swallows and nods. Winston reaches down and finds him. He holds him in his hands, his touch gentle but sure. Alex moans and pushes against him. </p><p>Winston looks down. “Well, look at that.”</p><p>“Hmm.” Alex hums and sighs, and then he’s kissing him again. After a few minutes, he pulls back and their eyes lock. “This feels good, but I don’t know if I’m...I don’t know what I am.”</p><p>“It’s okay. I’m Winston, and you are?”</p><p>“Alex.” </p><p>“And are you enjoying this? Do you like doing this with me?”</p><p>“Yes...a lot,” Alex replies.</p><p>“Well, then, that’s all that matters.”</p><p>Alex pauses for a second, and then they are kissing again, and everything else fades away into the background. </p><p>**********</p><p>Alex is back at the next P.I.N. meeting, and there are several more students this time. The crowd almost fills the room. Winston looks around and smiles at the friends he’s made.</p><p>“Just so you know, I’m done with Bryce and the drugs,” Alex whispers to him when he sits next to him and Tyler. Alex glances at Tyler. “I spoke with Tyler, and we’ve both decided to move forward with the hard decisions.”</p><p>“That’s good. I’m happy for both of you,” Winston says.</p><p>Ashley is standing up to speak to the room and Jessica joins her. “Today, we want to announce that several of our initiatives have been a success. We've been getting a lot of great feedback from both students and teachers. The buddy system, pep rally, and fundraisers have all been successful thanks to you guys and all your hard work.” Everyone claps. “And now Tyler would like to say a few words.”</p><p>Tyler walks up to the front of the room and faces the crowd of students. He clears his throat and looks over at Jessica, who smiles back at him.</p><p>“I was bullied and hurt on campus some time ago. I won't go into details, but it was pretty bad. The past hasn’t given me much hope about what will happen when I do step forward; I’m just being honest. But with your support, I will bring what happened to light. I will tell the right people about it and see what can be done. I don’t want what happened to me, what has happened to other students here, to happen to anyone else.” He takes a breath. “I’m going to report what happened to the authorities, and I’m going to see this through.”  He looks at Jessica and Alex and then smiles at Ashley.  There’s thunderous applause from the room and a few students stand, including Alex and Winston.</p><p>“We have to be vocal and demand change,” Jessica adds. “We’re proud of you and no matter what happens, we are here to support you.”</p><p>There’s more clapping and people slap Tyler on the back as he makes his way back to his seat. Ashley makes a few more announcements before dismissing everyone to talk and mingle. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Alex asks him.</p><p>“Tyler told me about Monty,” Winston says.</p><p>“Yeah, I know. He told me.”</p><p>“I know Monty wants to change. He’s going through a lot right now, and I see that he wants to be better.” </p><p>“He needs help. It’s sick what they did to Tyler. You see that don’t you?”</p><p>“Of course I do. And he needs to face the consequences of what he did, but I also hope he can get help, and not just punished.”</p><p>“I really and truly don’t give a fuck what happens to him," Alex spits angrily. "He deserves all the punishment. And I think you have some soft, misguided spot for him.”</p><p>“Most people don't just come into the world awful and cruel,” Winston argues.</p><p>Alex shakes his head. “You’re gonna have Tyler’s back one hundred percent through this, right?”</p><p>“Of course I will. How could you question that?”</p><p>Alex shakes his head. “Okay. I just don’t know if I can be with someone who can’t see who needs support at this time.”</p><p>“So you want to be with me?”</p><p>Alex looks at him and shakes his head before leaving the room.</p><p>**********</p><p>The next week at school Winston goes through the motions. Alex isn’t exactly ignoring him, he nods his head when they pass in the hallways, but that's about it. On Thursday, Winston leaves his second period to grab a book he forgot in his locker when loud alarms blast out of the loudspeakers, then go silent.</p><p>There's a short, loud buzz followed by a mechanical voice over the speaker: “Please go quickly to the nearest room. This is a live shooter warning. Please remain calm and stay in your classroom.” The message repeats several times. </p><p>Winston looks around, but doesn’t see anyone else in the hallway near him. He walks quickly around the corner and sees Zach sprint into a classroom a couple of doors down.</p><p>“Hey!” he whispers loudly.</p><p>Zach looks up, panic in his eyes. He waves him over and Winston sprints to the classroom, his heart beating loudly in his ears.</p><p>The classroom is empty. They slam and lock the door behind them, then push a large lab table over and against it. They scurry to close the blinds on the windows and huddle behind another large table near the back of the room. </p><p>“Is this a drill?” Winston asks.</p><p>“They would have told us one was scheduled, right?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Winston whispers.  </p><p>Winston hears noises outside the door and quiets. His heart still feels like it’s beating through his chest.</p><p>Zach looks over.  Everything is quiet again. “This sucks. I do not want to go out like this.”</p><p>“It’s going to be okay,” Winston says. His thudding heart says he doesn’t believe his own words, but he wants to believe them. “It’s just a drill.”</p><p>Gun shots ring out outside the door. They both startle at the noise, and Zach moves over and grabs his hand. </p><p>“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Zach whispers. His head is thrown back against the desk, eyes closed as if he’s praying in expletives. He squeezes Winston’s hand harder, and Winston squeezes back. </p><p>Several minutes pass, and the hallways go quiet again.</p><p>“Look,” Zach begins. “If I don't make it out. Tell my mom I love her, and I wasn’t mad. We got into an argument this morning. It was so stupid.”</p><p>“I will,” Winston promises. “Do you have your phone with you?"</p><p>"No, I left it in the gym room. I had to grab something from my locker and was heading back."</p><p>"Me, too. Mine is in my second period class. I think I would send a message to my parents if I had it.”</p><p>Zach nods. “Damn, I wish I had just told her.”</p><p>“Your mom?” Winston asks.</p><p>Zach lets his hand go and turns to face him. “No, Chloe. She was a student here but goes to Sacred Heart now.” Zach shakes his head. “Even if we never would have been together, I wish I’d had the balls to just tell her how I feel. Straight up.”</p><p>Winston nods. “I understand. And same.”</p><p>“Who for you?” Zach asks.</p><p>“Just someone really special that I really like.”</p><p>“Alex?” </p><p>Winston looks up.</p><p>“You don’t have to say anything. He mentioned something to me, and I sort of guessed there was something...more.”</p><p>“He talked about me?” Winston asks.</p><p>“Yeah, a lot, but there was one time when he was talking about you, and I got the feeling it was more than just a bromance.”  He chuckles. “You know he kissed me once.”</p><p>“He did?”</p><p>“Yeah, it was nice.” Zach chuckles. “You know if I weren’t straight, you might have some competition on your hands.”</p><p>Winston laughs and looks him over. “Well, I’m glad you’re straight.”</p><p>Zach laughs and then stops as if suddenly remembering what was going on around them. </p><p>“I really like him, but I’m not quite sure how he feels about me," Winston says.</p><p>“You should let him know.”</p><p>“I told him I like him.”</p><p>“But did you let him know what you want? How you really feel? I’m sure Chloe knows I have feelings for her, too, but she doesn’t know how deep they are.”</p><p>“Well, if I don’t make it out of this alive and you do, you have to let him know. Tell him I wish ... I wish we could have figured it out.”</p><p>The door handle shakes, but the lock holds. They both try to still their breaths, to make as little noise as possible. Winston squeezes his eyes shut and thinks of Alex.</p><p>A few minutes later, Principal Bolan’s voice booms over the loud speaker. “Thank you all for completing this safety drill. The drill is over and you can continue your normal schedule. We will discuss this drill and other plans we have for the school in an upcoming town hall meeting. Thank you.”</p><p>Winston and Zach stand up and slowly walk to the door. They move the table out of the way, and Zach unlocks the door. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees other students gathering outside of the classrooms.</p><p>They walk down the hallway where Winston notices that a group of students have gathered near the Principal's office. Some are yelling, and one dark-haired boy is screaming at the top of his lungs. The boy tries to attack one of the guards, but the guards swiftly subdue him as he falls to the ground sobbing. Someone shouts to call an ambulance.  </p><p>“What the fuck?” Jessica screams. She's in Principal Bolan’s face, and a few other students move forward toward him. “This was not the way to do this!” she shouts.  </p><p>A chorus of other students back her up, but teachers, administrators and guards slowly work to disperse the students and get them back to their classrooms. Principal Bolan appears shaken, his face red and sweaty. He turns and heads back to his office, shutting the double doors behind him.</p><p>Winston returns to his class and quickly removes his phone from his backpack. He hadn’t seen Alex in the crowd and needs to check on him.</p><p><b>Winston</b>: Are you ok?</p><p><b>Alex</b>: I’m fine. A little shaken up. But good. How are you?</p><p><b>Winston</b>: Same. A little shaken up, but fine.</p><p><b>Alex</b>: This was crazy. We’ll talk tomorrow. I’ll be at the P.I.N. meeting.  </p><p>The following day a large group of students show up to the P.I.N. meeting. There are faces he hasn’t seen before. He spots Alex standing at the back of the room and makes his way through the throng of students to stand next to him. There are several students standing near the front of the room, including Jessica and Ashley. </p><p>“We asked for a safer school, but what they did was beyond irresponsible,” Jessica says. “We have asked that they agree to an oversight review board that includes school administrators, teachers, parents <em>and</em> students, so that we can have more say in what happens to us in this school. We need to be safe, but they need to do it responsibly and with our input!”</p><p>The crowd murmurs in agreement and more students voice their concerns. Winston looks around the room, proud to be a part of something that will actually make a difference, not only for them, but for students who come after them. It feels good to know they will leave a legacy that will outlast their time there, especially given many of them will be graduating the following spring. The meeting continues and finally comes to a close with a lot of students promising to come to the last P.I.N. meeting the following week. He can’t believe time has passed this quickly and in a moment of clarity realizes he will miss these meetings.</p><p>Alex walks over to stand near him. “Everyone is pissed.”</p><p>“It’s a good thing. Sometimes anger can be a catalyst for real change.”</p><p>Alex nods in agreement and watches as students begin to leave the room. “Can you stay after for a minute?”</p><p>“Sure,” Winston says.</p><p>Soon, they are the last students in the room. Alex sits in one of the chairs near the window, and Winston follows, sitting in the chair across from him. </p><p>“I need to tell you something,” Alex begins. “Even with all this going on, a group of students are petitioning to save the Winter Dance. Principal Bolan and some of the teachers were against it, but I think it’s going to happen.”</p><p>“Okay,” Winston says. He wonders why Alex is talking to him about the dance.</p><p>“And it’s weird, but someone asked me to go with them.”</p><p>Winston’s heart drops. “Alright,” he finally manages to say.</p><p>They were not exclusive; they weren’t anything. Zach had been right. He should not have waited to tell Alex exactly how he felt and exactly what he wanted, and now it’s too late.</p><p>“I was with Charlie and a few other students. We were all stuck in a classroom when that idiotic drill happened.”</p><p>“The quarterback?” Winston asks. Charlie had been prominent in some of the shots they had taken for Yearbook.</p><p>“Yeah. I was freaking out during the drill. I thought I heard my dad calling me and telling me to come out. I really believed I was hearing his voice. It was an auditory hallucination. Charlie calmed me down. Said he had been reading up on TBIs. He’s really sweet.” Alex looks down at his hands, but continues. “I sort of kissed him,” he says quietly. “I don’t know what got into me. I was losing it, and all the adrenaline was coursing through my veins, and he was helping me. I’m sorry.” He finally looks up at Winston.</p><p>Winston shakes his head. “It's fine.” It does not feel fine. It feels the opposite of fine, and there's buzzing in his ears, but he holds steady and keeps a smile plastered on his face.</p><p>“Anyway, he asked me to the Winter Dance. He did this whole thing with flowers. I thought it was a little much. He said he's wanted to ask me out for months but wasn't sure I’d say yes, until I kissed him.”</p><p>“Seems like a lot of people care about you. And you deserve ‘a whole thing’.”</p><p>Alex moves his chair closer, so that their knees are almost touching. “I’m sorry I’m talking to you about this, but you’re the only one I felt comfortable talking about it with. And I thought you should know because...you know.” Alex shrugs.</p><p>“It’s okay. I don't mind. Really. I want whatever makes you happy.” And this was the truth. He did want whatever made Alex happy.</p><p>“Do you think I should go with him?” Alex asks.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you?”</p><p>Alex is looking at him expectantly, but Winston’s tongue is stuck. He wants to yell at him. To tell him of course he shouldn’t go with Charlie, that he should go with him instead, that he should only kiss him, that he wants to be the one to get him flowers, and take pictures of him in the sunlight, and kiss him until they're both dizzy, but he doesn’t say any of those things. Zach’s advice is playing in his mind over and over again, but he wants Alex to choose him...on his own.  </p><p>“I told him I’ll think about it,” Alex says.</p><p>“That’s cool.”</p><p>“Cool.”</p><p>**********</p><p>There are even more people at the P.I.N. meeting the following Friday. It seems like the whole school is crammed into the small classroom, although there’s probably only about forty or fifty students in attendance. It’s still a far cry from the first meeting when there was less than a dozen of them. </p><p>Ashley thanks them all for coming and for supporting the organization. “We’ve done a lot in a very short amount of time," she begins. "It looks like the review board that will include students will happen, and a lot of our activities have really helped students around campus. And it appears we may be approved to continue P.I.N. in the spring. We will know for sure after winter break.”</p><p>“Whoo hoo!” someone shouts from the back of the room.</p><p>Winston turns to see a couple of students cheering. Everyone claps, and Ashley’s smile widens even more. Winston is proud of her, he's proud of them all and hopes they are able to continue the following semester.  </p><p>“So, as this is our last meeting, it’s time to go through the P.I.N. box.” Ashley bends down to grab the box. She shakes it and frowns, then peeks inside.  “Well, I'm sorry guys. It seems like I forgot to remind people about the box. It slipped my mind quite honestly with everything that started to happen. We would usually do something nice and talk about some of the items from the box and what it means for the group and what we’ve accomplished.” </p><p>She dumps the contents of the box on the table, but only a few scraps of paper and a wadded napkin fall out. She spreads the scraps of paper on the table and stares at them for a while, then arranges them in some kind of order. She begins to read each paper out loud:</p><p> </p><p>      1. Because you’re funny and give me a hard time about shit like my name and not liking soda  </p><p>      2. Because I miss you when you’re gone</p><p>      3. Because you care about your friends</p><p>      4. Because when you kiss me, I never want you to stop</p><p> </p><p>“Well, this is not exactly what I had in mind.” </p><p>Ashley is blushing and there’s another <em> whoo-hoo </em>from the back of the room; a group of students giggle. Ashley laughs.</p><p>“I wonder who wrote this,” she says. “It’s all the same handwriting. Anyone want to fess up?”</p><p>Everyone looks around the room, but no one raises their hand. Alex is looking at him strangely. Winston just smiles. Ashley continues reading the scraps of paper:</p><p> </p><p>      5. Because when you're mad, you have this little thing your face does that makes me forget what we are arguing about</p><p>      6. Because you’re brave</p><p>      7. Because you make me feel like I’m enough</p><p>      8. Because you want to be a better person </p><p>      9. Because you make me want to be a better person</p><p>      10. Because I think I’m falling in love with you</p><p> </p><p>There are a few <em> awwws </em> from around the room, and then everyone is clapping.</p><p>Ashley looks up; her eyes are glistening. “Well, that's quite beautiful. And it's not what I expected, but you know...it fits. It fits everyone of you, and how I feel about you.” Ashley wrinkles her nose. “Well, maybe not the kissing one.” A few students laugh. “So, I guess it's perfect.” </p><p>Everyone stays around for some time after the meeting, talking, eating and drinking.  No one seems like they want their time together to end, but slowly they start to leave one by one, group by group. Winston, Alex, Tyler and Ashley are the last in the room, but soon, Ashley and Tyler leave, holding hands. Before he walks out the door, Tyler turns and gives Winston a thumbs up. </p><p>“So, there’s the Winter Dance coming up in a few weeks. If you’re going and I'm going, maybe we can both go together. We can sit back and talk about everyone and what they’re wearing," Alex says.</p><p>“I thought you were going with St. George.”</p><p>“I mean, he’s sweet, and he said he really likes me and was glad I even considered going out with him, but I think he’ll be okay. Good looks, quarterback, tall, beautiful blue eyes...like the ocean. Did I tell you he read up about TBIs just so he could know how to help me?”</p><p>Winston sighs. “Yes, yes, you told me. And ... that is admittedly very cool.”</p><p>Alex laughs. “Anyway, I thanked him but told him I already really liked someone else.”</p><p>“You did?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think I like dark, complicated, moody types who don’t drink soda, who care about their friends, and are brave and kind and make me feel like I’m enough just the way I am.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Winston groans. “I know it was a corny thing to do.”</p><p>“It was ‘a whole thing’.” Alex rolls his eyes. “But I thought it was...sweet. Who knew you were a romantic? And what, you put something in there since the first meeting?”</p><p>“Yeah, and each meeting I added one.” </p><p>“Hmm. So, what do you think? Me, you, Winter Dance? As friends?”</p><p>“Yeah. Cool. As friends.”</p><p>“Cool,” Alex says. “Or, maybe more than friends?” Alex cocks his head to the side. “That could be cool, too.”</p><p>“Yeah, very cool.” Winston leans back against the table behind him.</p><p>Alex moves to stand between his parted legs, braces himself against his thighs, and kisses him so hard his head tilts back. When they break from the kiss, Alex is beaming and Winston has the urge to take his camera out of his bag right then and there and capture him just like this, but he tells himself to refrain. He tells himself that this moment is too perfect to interrupt, and the camera won’t capture what he’s feeling right now anyway. But it is the perfect shot, so he makes sure to concentrate, to slow everything down, until every bit of Alex in this moment is indelibly printed in his memory. And he feels lucky. Lucky that he has the chance to experience Alex like this. Light and happy...and free.</p>
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